The Flood (Part 2)

The gods didn’t build this Noah a boat… instead they made him a dog house.

Welcome to my blog: The Canine Bible! Here, I translate the book of Genesis as if God is human and the humans are dogs.

Part 2 of the Flood story is here! Instead of having animals walk in two by two into Noah’s ark, the dog version has the animals infused into dog kibble for them to eat! According to records, any dog caught by a dog catcher in the old days, was given three days to be reclaimed. If no owner came, the dogs were drowned. The safest place for a dog to be was either at his master’s side or perhaps safe in a dog house…

1     The gods then said to Noah, “Go into the dog house, you and your whole pack, because I have found you to be a good dog.

2     “We shall feed you seven days worth of lamb infused dry dog food and two days worth of pork infused dry dog food.

3     “Also there will be seven days worth of chicken infused wet food for in seven days we will send out dog catchers for 40 days and 40 nights and we will wipe from the face of the earth every living mutt we have made.”

4     Noah did what the gods commanded him.

5     Noah was 60 in dog years when the first dog catchers walked upon the earth. Noah and his pups and bitch and his pups’ bitches all huddled up together inside the dog house to escape the dog catcher’s nets and poles.

6     Bowls of lamb and pork were left for Noah in the dog house as the gods had promised.

7     And after seven days, the time came to drown all the mutts.

8     In Noah’s 60th dog year, on the full moon during a winter storm – on that day, the gods broke through the icy river and the great river’s current ran strong. The ice was opened and dogs were thrown into the river for 40 days and 40 nights.

9     On that very day, Noah and his pups, Shem, Ham and Japheth, together with their bitches, hid in the dog house. They had with them all the food the gods provided them: lamb, pork, chicken. 

10  Each of these brought life to Noah and his pack for the gods had shut them inside the dog house.

11  For 40 days the dog catchers kept drowning mutts and their howls increased.

12  The mutts’ cries rose and increased greatly over the earth and the dog house echoed with the mutts’ voices. 

13  Their voices roared louder still so that even the wolves on the high mountains could hear them.

14  The entire heavens were covered in the yelps and yips of canine voices. And then there was no more.

15  For every mutt that was found by the gods perished.

16  Every dog that had been bred unintentionally by the gods and found unworthy died with water in their nostrils.

17  Every mutt that showed its face was wiped out.

18  Only Noah was left and those huddled up with him in the dog house.

19  The river was dammed up with dog bodies for 150 days.