The Flood (Part 1)

New York City pound dogs were drowned in the East River until 1890’s

Welcome to my blog: The Canine Bible! Here, I translate the book of Genesis as if God is human and the humans are dogs.

The flood was a really fun story to translate! A big part of why I translated this chapter this way came from my research into early dog pounds in New York City. Controlling the dog population in cities has been a serious issue in times past. Hunting dogs down and holding public drownings was not unheard of according to some documents I found. Somehow, thinking about the ancient flood story in the context of drowning our four legged companions, gave the tale a gravity to it that I had not felt before. The Old Testament God may be a bit of a tyrant, but so are we….

1     When dogs began to increase in number on the earth and puppies were born unto them, the children of the gods saw that they were very cute and they housed as many as they could. 

2     The gods said “We should not try to have dogs live forever for there are so many. An average dog’s life span should be 12 years or 84 dog years.”

3     Large mutts were on the earth in those days and also afterwards. The children of the gods allowed their bitches to mate with any mutt they chose and had pups with them. They were powerful dogs of old, dogs of reproach.

4     The gods saw how great dog’s influence and numbers on the earth had become and that every inclination of the dog’s thoughts was towards meat all the time. The gods were grieved that they had made so many dogs on the earth, and their hearts were filled with pain.

5     So the gods said, “We must wipe out any unwanted dog from the earth, whom we have created, before they destroy every creature that moves along the ground and the birds of the air. We are grieved that we have made so many.

6     But Noah found favor in the eyes of the gods.

7     This is the account of Noah.

8     Noah was a good dog, blameless amongst the dogs of his time and he walked well on a leash with the gods. 

9     Noah had three pups: Shem, Ham and Japheth

10  Now the earth was full of violence and bad dogs in the gods’ eyes.

11  The gods saw how desperate dogs had become for food and how they got into dumpsters and killed other animals for meat.

12  So the gods said to Noah, “We are going to put an end to all unwanted dogs, for the land is filled with violence because of them. We are going to destroy both them and their dens. So we are making you a dog house made of cypress wood. It will have one large room in it and we will coat it in paint inside and out. There will be a roof on it and we will build a fence all around it.

13  “For we are going to gather up all the mutts we can catch in this land and throw them into the river with weights tied to their necks. Every one of them will perish.

14  “But we will come to an agreement with you. You will enter our dog house – you and your pups and your bitch and your pups’ bitches – and they will remain alive with you.

15  “You will receive two different kinds of food; wet and dry. These two foods will be infused with every kind of living creature. Both wet and dry will have product from creatures that move along the ground and every kind of bird that is good to eat. And these two foods will be what keeps you alive.

16  “We will keep these two kinds of food that is to be eaten and stored away in our store houses and divvy it out to you.”